And he's off....

Life can be scary at times. We have questions, concerns, failures, fears, uncertainties, and not knowing what will happen next. I believe we all experience times in our lives where we just don't know where to turn. I myself have experienced all of these things at some point or another and know that at some point everything will become clear and everything will surface and make sense. What I have never experienced before though is something so scary, that it just takes my breath away. I have never before had something so important to me, so close to me, and so much apart of me bring me so many questions. You probably know the feeling I am talking about...something that leaves you with so many questions that you are just sick to your stomach. Every time you start to think about it your throat tightens up just a little bit as if you cant breath.

Well that is how I felt the night I was helping my husband pack his things to take on his long trip across the world to his new duty station in Camp Casey, Korea. I am usually a pretty strong person, and usually I have the mentality "life goes on", but that night I just felt so many questions. How lonely will it be? Is he scared? When can I take a trip out there to see him? Will he like it? Will he be safe? When will I talk to him? How can I survive without him for a whole year? What will it feel like not to have him next to me at night for a whole year? How can I go a whole day without calling, texting, or kissing the love of my life and my best friend? As I watched my husband pack all of his clothes, toiletries, laptop, books, army attire, important documents, etc. I honestly felt like I was going through a bad divorce. I felt like everything was just slowly being boxed up around me and taken away while leaving me behind. I kept telling him I loved him and he kept giving me hugs and finally I just had to go to bed. When I woke up the next morning I felt better and I kept telling myself, "Its okay Lauren. This is just a season in your life, life goes on, there is nothing you can do about it, God will protect, God has a plan", and that helped comfort me for the most part. I kept my head high all day as my husband made his rounds and said his goodbyes. When me, my husband, his mom, and sister got to the airport we kept things light hearted and just tried to put off what was about to come. When it was finally time to say our goodbyes that feeling came back all over again, but this time I tried to stay strong. I remembered all of the other military men, families, and kids that I had seen at the airport just minutes before this moment who were also saying there goodbyes. I remembered thinking to myself, "Where are they going? Afghanistan? Iraq? To a duty station in another country like Colt?"

At that point is when everything changed for me. Standing in that airport and watching everyone around me going through the same thing my strength slowly came back. This time I wasn't telling myself that life goes on but this time I was telling myself, "You are not the only one. There are millions of other people in the world struggling through the same thing. There are millions of other families who are having to say goodbye". Once I got home and walked into my empty house I just reminded myself that I am thankful to still have a husband to say goodbye to.

That is what has inspired me to write this blog. I am inspired to journal every detail of this journey my husband and I are about to experience. I am reminded that I am not the only person that lives this "military life" and deals with the daily struggles and the loneliness. I hope to not only keep family and friends informed of my husbands life in Korea, but also I want to give other wives the same feeling I felt in the airport that day...you are not the only one.

Yes, I still have questions. I still wonder why us? Why our first year of marriage? Why am I not getting to move with him to a place that I am allowed to live? I still wish it was different, but I finally am starting to get my strength back and remembering that life goes on.