Peace & Quiet

Since Colt left for Korea I have been having to face one of my biggest fears, living alone. I had the option to stay with my mom once Colt left, but I knew that it was time for me to have a place of my own. To some people this may seem so silly but it truly is something that has always made me extremely uncomfortable. When I was searching for a place for Colt and I to live while he was in basic it was quite a challenge. I searched and searched day in and day out for several weeks. When I found the town home we now live in I just knew it was right. I felt safe, comfortable, and "at home" as soon as drove in the neighborhood and walked in the place. It was the perfect location between school, family, friends, and the mall. Having a place for Colt and I to spend our first month of marriage together was one of the best decisions we ever made. Many people ask why I didn't just stay with my mom and save our money, but there was just something inside me saying it was time to step forward in this chapter of my life. Not only was I ready to face my fears, but I also wanted a place to display and use all of our new wedding gifts and house decor. I am so glad that I listened to my gut feeling and decided to get our own place. Not only was it amazing having a place of our own while Colt was home, but I have also learned to love being by myself in our town home. I have learned to not be scared of the silence and instead enjoy the quiet peaceful time I have when I am here. I love being able to come home and relax on my own couch, with my own blanket, and my own move at my own timing. I am able to concentrate on my school work and business without any interruptions.

Although I would rather have my husband here with me to spend time with, help out, fix things, and do the "manly duties" like taking out the trash (lol), I have come to appreciate this independence. It is interesting because most would think during such a lonely, sad, period in our lives I would hate being alone. Honestly, I have come to enjoy the quietness and just snuggling with my dogs. It is nice to know that I can go to school, work, visit with  family, and go out with my friends and still come home to my own quiet little place.

It will be so nice when Colt and I get to experience this together with one another and our own family.

Expert Shooter

I am very proud of my husband today. I got a message from him earlier saying that he shot 38 out of 40 today and is now officially an Expert Shooter! I am so proud of him for achieving this goal because I know it was something he really wanted. Here is a picture of him (when he was home) practicing shooting.

Interruptions

I would have to say one of the hardest things my husband and I have experienced since he as been gone is life's interruptions. Not bad interruptions, but the normal things you experience on a daily basis that get in the way of trying to live life as normal as possible. It is hard enough finding time to talk when there is a fourteen hour time difference, but then you add in life's interruptions which make it almost impossible to communicate. For example, this week I have been in Las Vegas for the company I work for, Arbonne International, annual Global Training Conference. Although this training and trip is a positive interruption in my life, it also brought forth its challenges. I went from having a fourteen hour time difference between my husband and I to having an eighteen hour time difference between us this week. Juggling walking to conferences, attending conferences, eating, communicating with other teams, getting dressed up, AND making sure you talk to your husband all at the same time was quite a challenge. Honestly more then anything the greater time difference was the hardest part. It went from talking at 6 am in the morning in Georgia which was equivalent to 2 am Las Vegas time...which obviously was not possible. It went from talking at 11 pm at night in Georgia which was equivalent to 7pm Las Vegas time....which I was in meetings or at dinner. I had to choose investing in my business and personal growth over talking with my husband as much as I do at home. I know to some this may seem so small, but when you never get to see the one you love the times you have to talk are priceless.

Although it was a challenge and barely talking once a day was heart breaking, I can defiantly say I have counted my blessings. I am now so thankful that there is only a fourteen hour time difference at home, if I lived in Las Vegas I don't know how we would do it. I am thankful that I have a wonderful, understanding, and supportive husband that understood the sacrifice we had to make this week for my business. I am thankful for the time we do have to talk when I am home.

More than anything, I think this has been so hard because I know these are the last couple of days I have to talk to my husband before he leaves for the field. Next week he will leave to be out in the field for one month, and we may not be able to talk at all. Although some parts of me have guilt that I wasn't able to take advantage of the last week I had to talk to him, I have to remind myself that I have to keep on living my life to. I have to remind myself that I have a husband that also wants that for me. I have to remind myself that I cant always be at a million places at the same time. Most importantly I remind myself that God is in control, that God is protecting our marriage, and that God will work all things together for our good.

Snowy Days

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

 

It is days like these that make me miss him so much. Days when relaxing at the house, eating, laughing, playing in the snow, keeping one another company, and being cuddled up by the fire is all you have. No work. No school. No commitments. Days like these I miss him the most because it is days like these that you get to spend quality time with the people you love the most. Yes you can get sick of one another, get on each others nerves, and develop cabin fever....but in my mind it is days like these that we rarely ever get to enjoy. The only other days that I get to sit around and truly enjoy my family is the holidays which as we know don't come around very often. I guess more than anything it makes me miss him the most because quality time is all I wish for right now with him. I would give anything to have my husband stuck in the house with our family and friends just enjoying time together. Although I miss him so bad it hurts this snow brings me a sense of peace, because I know that I am not the only one looking at the window at this beautiful white wonderland, but he is too. It brings me a sense of comfort to know that he is looking out his window seeing the same beautiful snow and thinking of me to.

 

I have come to realize over the past ten months that it doesn't matter who you choose to settle your life down with it will always be hard and bring challenges.This is why when I read this quote by St. Augustine I thought to myself, "He understands it. He gets the real truth". Whether you are struggling because you are a million miles away from one another or in bed right next to one another and just cant get along, we all struggle. I believe St. Augustine says it perfectly when he states, "Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." The true test of a marriage comes when the "in love" isn't there anymore and the "real love" appears at the surface. I can truly say I am grateful to have learned at an earlier age then most that being "in love" is easy, but it is when reality sneaks its way to the surface (and it will) that continuing to always love is what is hard. The Bible states that in marriage two become one which I believe is such a beautiful thing. I love how St. Augustine takes this analogy and uses it in his quote. "Real love" shines through when you have fought the fought, won the battles, worked through the disagreements, persevered through the hard times, took on the unexpected, forgave when you didn't want to, respected when it wasn't easy, and choose to love when you didn't feel like it. This to me is when the "pretty blossoms" have fallen off the tree and you can still look at one another and say, "We made a promise to ourselves and God and we have conquered the tough times. We understood that we became one when we said "i do" and we have continued to stay one no matter what life through at us". My prayer today is that God will continue to always give my husband and I this mind set and clarity. My prayer is that we will continue to stay one and fight even when the "promises of eternal passion" is gone. My prayer is that although some days we may fall "out of love" we will continue to choose to love one another because we are one. My prayer is that as St. Augustine put it, our roots will continue to always grow towards one another even when the pretty blossoms have fallen off.

 

So in my opinion St. Augustine is right, but another thing we have to remember about love is what do we do when it gets hard? Where do we turn? What do we do even though we don't want to? What helps our branches grow together no matter what? So I leave you with this....

 

^"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

I believe that although these qualities help grow our branches together, they are always the most difficult things to remember in a marriage and when times get tough. So my final prayer is that although we will have bad days, tough years, and unexpected seasons, that by God's grace and sweet mercy He will fill my husband and I with these qualities in our marriage. I pray these things for you as well.

 

Processing...

Colt has now been moved to Camp Stanley for processing. Processing consists of a variety of things: financial briefings, shots, reviewing paper work, etc. He will be there for one week and then will be moved to his final duty station, Camp Casey.

Colt is enjoying Korea, his friends, and the down time they are having so far. His days (as of now) consist of briefings, working out, eating at chow, and attending different activities during his leisure time. The camp they are at now has activities such as basketball courts, racket ball, bowling ally, movie theater, restaurant/bar, library, etc. This is his first weekend in Korea and so far him and his friends have been working out, shooting pool, and playing basketball. Tomorrow they are going to see a movie and plan on bowling at some point. It is great to know that although they are in a new foreign country they still have American culture all around them.

Because it is officially the weekend Colt and I have been able to Skype a lot more. I am really enjoying being able to Skype with him for long periods of time, and especially twice a day. I am soaking it all up and not taking one moment for granted because I know its only a matter of time before his "real work" starts and we will only be able to Skype once a day. The positive thing is the fact that they do not have curfew like they did in basic. Therefore, Colt is able to Skype me every night and will continue to be able to Skype me at night all year.

It puts a smile on my face to see him and his friends goofing off, laughing, and joking around with one another when we Skype. Nothing brings me more joy then to know that even though he is thousands of miles away he has people that support him and help occupy his time. There is nothing like having a strong support system to help lift your spirits and help you realize that everyting is going to be okay.

Colt has informed me that he plans on starting college while he is in Korea and will be taking classes all year while he is there. I am so excited for him that I don't even have words! Although this time a part is unbearable, it is amazing to know that we are being productive and fulfilling our goals in life. While Colt is in Korea working and studying, I am also here at home studying and working my Arbonne business. Considering I only have one year and one semester left before I complete my Bachelors Degree in Mass Communications, I am thrilled and beyond supportive of Colt deciding to also get his education. I am proud of him in more ways then words can describe.

Him and his friends are already beginning to consider taking trips to tour the country during the weekends and there days off. The USO provides monthly calendars of different events and trips that are going on in Korea for affordable rates. Ski trips, tours, dinners, and many other trips are available to them through the military USO. I am really encouraging Colt to take as many trips as possible so he can become accustom to different cultures and diversity. I love culture and the world and I am so excited that he is able to experience these things during his life. Nothing to me is more admirable then someone who is open minded and has experienced the world and all there is in it. Most of us get so use to the one place we live and the one culture that we live in that we never take the time to explore the world. I am so glad he is having the chance to do that.

I am so excited that I am going to be able to experience that with him! I have officially set a date for my first trip to Korea, February 21st-March 7th. I have come to learn that the military is unpredictable so you can never set anything in stone. So my prayer request for today is that I am able to take the trip to see my husband, and that no conflicts arise over the next month in a half. So there it is, I finally have something to look forward to! I finally have a date to count down to... February 21, 2011!

Humbled

I have been humbled in so many ways this week. The amount of love and support that I have gotten, and the responses to this blog so far, is touching. It makes me feel so blessed to know that there are so many people who love and care about Colt and I. It makes me feel so blessed to know there are so many people who have reached out letting me know they are here if I need anything. Overall, I thank God for putting so many amazing people in my life, whether I personally know them or not. I literally mean "know them or NOT" because people that I don't even know have contacted me to just say "thanks!" or "I understand!". Although I am humbled I am also very thankful. I am thankful that this blog is already fulfilling its purpose in touching other army wives lives. That is exactly what I intended for these entries to do, and I am so thankful that the Lord is using them in amazing ways. Whether I know you are not, just know that other army wives care about you and your own personal experiences. We all are dealing with things in this journey of the military lifestyle, and regardless of what your journey is people care. I know this to be true because women I don't even know have contacted me saying, "You dont know me but I care about you and I understand what you are going through. I am here if you need me or need someone to talk to who understands." I just want to say thank you for (a.) letting me know that you care and understand, (b.) letting me know that you are reading this, and (c.) allowing me to know that God is using these entries to speak to you and help you be able to relate your life to someone else who is going through the same thing.

Although I am humbled and thankful I am also a bit sad. Through all of the love, support, and other military wives contacting me I have realized through there stories that some people don't have anyone. It breaks my heart to hear a military wife say, "I had no one there when my husband was gone. No one to relate to, no support, no family..." How heart wrenching is it to know that there are wives out there dealing with this indescribable loneliness with no one to pick them up, put a smile on there face, or to tell them its going to be okay. If you are reading this and that is you, please know that you are appreciated and honorable. The lonely and scary lifestyle that a lot of us military wives live takes courage and strength to endure. To those women and family members: thank you for your sacrifices, selflessness, brave heart, love of your country, and supporting your husband! I support you, I appreciate you, and I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to you.

First day in Seoul, Korea

Colt finally made it to Korea after 20 hours of flying time, 4 stops, and almost 60 hours of total traveling time he arrived. They landed at an air force base in Seoul, Korea with 52 other soldiers and some of there family members. Last night he stayed in a very nice hotel on base and ate a Subway dinner! When he landed it was snowing and as of now it is 10 degrees there. Thankfully none of his luggage was lost and he is just thankful to be out of the plane!

He said the jet lag hasn't been too bad because they slept all night on the plane, and then when they landed in Korea it was morning. So far he is doing fine and starts processing today. Within one week they will transport him to his actual duty station at Camp Casey.

The hardest thing we have experienced so far is the time difference. But with a lot of selflessness, and less sleep, we have finally figured a schedule out. Korea is a 14 hour time difference from Georgia so when it is morning here it is night there. So I wake up at 6am every morning to talk to Colt on skype at 8 pm in Korea. Then he wakes up at 6am the next day to talk to me on skype at 4pm in Georgia. So it has finally happened...I have become a morning person! =)

And he's off....

Life can be scary at times. We have questions, concerns, failures, fears, uncertainties, and not knowing what will happen next. I believe we all experience times in our lives where we just don't know where to turn. I myself have experienced all of these things at some point or another and know that at some point everything will become clear and everything will surface and make sense. What I have never experienced before though is something so scary, that it just takes my breath away. I have never before had something so important to me, so close to me, and so much apart of me bring me so many questions. You probably know the feeling I am talking about...something that leaves you with so many questions that you are just sick to your stomach. Every time you start to think about it your throat tightens up just a little bit as if you cant breath.

Well that is how I felt the night I was helping my husband pack his things to take on his long trip across the world to his new duty station in Camp Casey, Korea. I am usually a pretty strong person, and usually I have the mentality "life goes on", but that night I just felt so many questions. How lonely will it be? Is he scared? When can I take a trip out there to see him? Will he like it? Will he be safe? When will I talk to him? How can I survive without him for a whole year? What will it feel like not to have him next to me at night for a whole year? How can I go a whole day without calling, texting, or kissing the love of my life and my best friend? As I watched my husband pack all of his clothes, toiletries, laptop, books, army attire, important documents, etc. I honestly felt like I was going through a bad divorce. I felt like everything was just slowly being boxed up around me and taken away while leaving me behind. I kept telling him I loved him and he kept giving me hugs and finally I just had to go to bed. When I woke up the next morning I felt better and I kept telling myself, "Its okay Lauren. This is just a season in your life, life goes on, there is nothing you can do about it, God will protect, God has a plan", and that helped comfort me for the most part. I kept my head high all day as my husband made his rounds and said his goodbyes. When me, my husband, his mom, and sister got to the airport we kept things light hearted and just tried to put off what was about to come. When it was finally time to say our goodbyes that feeling came back all over again, but this time I tried to stay strong. I remembered all of the other military men, families, and kids that I had seen at the airport just minutes before this moment who were also saying there goodbyes. I remembered thinking to myself, "Where are they going? Afghanistan? Iraq? To a duty station in another country like Colt?"

At that point is when everything changed for me. Standing in that airport and watching everyone around me going through the same thing my strength slowly came back. This time I wasn't telling myself that life goes on but this time I was telling myself, "You are not the only one. There are millions of other people in the world struggling through the same thing. There are millions of other families who are having to say goodbye". Once I got home and walked into my empty house I just reminded myself that I am thankful to still have a husband to say goodbye to.

That is what has inspired me to write this blog. I am inspired to journal every detail of this journey my husband and I are about to experience. I am reminded that I am not the only person that lives this "military life" and deals with the daily struggles and the loneliness. I hope to not only keep family and friends informed of my husbands life in Korea, but also I want to give other wives the same feeling I felt in the airport that day...you are not the only one.

Yes, I still have questions. I still wonder why us? Why our first year of marriage? Why am I not getting to move with him to a place that I am allowed to live? I still wish it was different, but I finally am starting to get my strength back and remembering that life goes on.