Frustrations

Colt has been doing field training at different bases throughout Korea over the last week. He will continue to train at a Korean base until the end of the month. Beginning in March he will do other forms of training and finally have a break around March 11th. He has yet to be able to leave the base and is ready to go experience the country and culture.

This has been the hardest part of our experience so far. Although I am thankful we are still able to text message throughout the day, we no longer are able to Skype. The most frustrating part is not being able to hold a conversation more than five minutes at a time. Colt is either exhausted from being up hours at a time, moving onto his next orders, or on a short break which causes our conversations to be very short. I understand that us communicating less is not his fault or his desire, but it still makes me frustrated. I am not frustrated because it is his fault, but I am frustrated because I miss his voice. I miss us laughing together and talking about anything and everything. Honestly, I miss everything. The most we get to talk about these days is "how was your day", "i love you", "i miss you", or rushing to get out important, exciting, or financial information before he is gone again. I know I need to be less selfish and more appreciative that I am even able to talk to my husband every day. I know there are so many other wives that rarely ever speak to their husbands when they are overseas.

I guess I am just having a moment. A moment of weakness. A moment of frustration. A moment of loneliness. I believe as human beings and army wives we are allowed to have these moments. I believe it is normal for everyone to have bad days every now and then. Unfortunately for me I have a hard time allowing myself to feel or express those emotions. I feel that if I allow those emotions to even remotely slip out I will never get back to the "positive state" I am in. Most people say occasionally you need to let the negative emotions come out because it is therapeutic, healthy, and relieves stress. Even though I agree, I guess part of you me is so scared to allow that to happen because I am afraid I won’t come back to my "happy place". So instead I hide behind my blanket of courage, strength, and peace because it is the only safe place I know. Even though I am scared to let the sad, negative, and lonely emotions out, I know there is a day where it will come. When that day arrives I am thankful to know that I have a Heavenly Father that I can trust to bring me back to the place of courage, strength, and peace...